We’re in full Christmas holiday swing, as many people get ready for the big day.

For me, Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season are now forever changed as my beautiful wife of 35 years, Charlotte Warner, died Sunday, Dec. 3, just three weeks and four days after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer that spread throughout her body.

In the Bible, it says when two are joined in marriage they become one. In our case, it was definitely true as I lost my best friend, soulmate and the best wife a fellow could ever ask for. She was definitely my better half.

It’s easy to feel sorry for myself, but through faith in Jesus Christ I know she is in a better place where she no longer suffers. The big question for me is why, and I won’t know the answer to that until I leave this mortal world to enter the spiritual one.

I often use other’s words to describe best how I’m feeling. Some lyrics to The Fray’s “You Found Me” hit hard and go:

In the end, Everyone ends up alone

Losing her, The only one who’s ever known

Who I am, Who I’m not, who I wanna be

No way to know, How long she will be next to me

The why question is a tough one, but there’s no sense dwelling on a point that will not be answered while I am alive.

I made my wife a promise before she died, I would look after our three children and our four grandchildren as she was the ultimate mother and grandmother who was always thinking of others first. She worked with children at school and loved her job. Her students all sent cards which I read to her in her last hours saying how much they missed her and wanted her to be well.

The service was Saturday, and her wish was to be cremated and I purchased a wooden clock urn to keep her with me. I said in the future the kids will ask, “Why does grandad keep talking to his clock?”

Somehow I still feel her near me as I watch TV at home after work, and lean towards her chair when something happens in a show she would usually comment on. I couldn’t find her DD214 or military service record file for her flag after searching high and low and asked her where it was. Later that night, I had an urge to dig through her sock drawer and saw a piece of paper on the bottom. I thought it can’t be, but sure enough there it was.

I think faith is what is going to see me through this. I read where, according to the National Institute of Health, Christmas is the time of year that people experience a high incidence of depression, police report increased suicides and 45 percent dread the holiday season.

As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

I’m keeping the faith even during this dark time and feel blessed to have had her with me for 35 wonderful years.

Contact Steve Warner at           

news@smithvillereview.com